Field Guide to Revolution

An Imaginative Epic
or Novel of Ideas, New Novel
or Fictive Essay
inspired in part by
popular will and liberatory tendencies
and by
The U.S. Military Counterinsurgency Manual, December 2006

Also see: Declaration of Emancipation


For Public Release – Distribution Unlimited



This field guide for liberation is designed to fill a revolutionary gap. It has been too long since the Americas have had at hand a sweeping manual for liberation. With the people fighting corporate and state governments and other counterrevolutionary (CORE) entities and forces throughout the hemisphere, and world, it is essential that we, the peoples of the Americas, conceive and distribute a handbook that provides principles and guidelines for liberatory revolution (LIBREV) throughout the Americas, and beyond. Such guidance must be grounded in historical studies. However, it also must be informed by contemporary experiences. And imaginative work.

This manual takes a general approach to liberation and revolution, in describing LIBREV operations against the mendacious and malicious entities that are counterrevolutionary, or CORE, forces. The people recognize that every struggle for liberty is contextual and presents its own set of challenges. We cannot fight current corporate and state tyranny, whether of neoliberal, neoconservative, or other tendencies, the exact way we fought Nazis, Stalinists, corporate-state and other CORE forces of the past. The application of principles and fundamentals to deal with any of these inevitably varies. Nonetheless, all mendacious entities, all CORE forces, even today’s highly adaptable corporate-state strains, remain essentially wars against the people. They use variations of standard themes and adhere to elements of a recognizable reactionary or oppressive status quo campaign plan, tending to utter despotism.

This manual therefore addresses the common characteristics of these mendacious entities, these counterrevolutionary forces. It strives to provide those conducting LIBREV campaigns with a solid foundation for understanding and addressing specific counterrevolutionary forces. A liberatory revolutionary campaign is, as described in this manual, a mix of offensive, defensive, and stability operations conducted along multiple lines of operations. It requires revolutionaries to employ a mix of familiar actions and skills often associated with effective popular liberatory movements and with genuinely free, just, and equitable societies wherever they have appeared in some part. Continue reading Field Guide to Revolution

Declaration of Emancipation

(compare to the Declaration of Independence)

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for people to dissolve the political and legal bonds which have connected them with others, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the free and equal station to which the laws of nature entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of people everywhere requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to liberty.

We Americans – we peoples of the Americas – from Tierra del Fuego to Point Barrow and every point in between – hold these truths to be self-evident, that all people are created equal, that they are endowed with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life and liberty, as well as just and equitable conditions of life. That whenever any form of government – be it corporate or statist or otherwise – becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute various forms of democracy and free association that function to secure these inalienable rights, and that work to create a flourishing and relative equality of condition, without which these inalienable rights can neither be met nor fulfilled. When a long train of abuses and usurpations designs to oppress people under various forms of despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off corporate and state governments and other oppressors, and to provide new guards for their future security. Such has been the patient sufferance of the people of the Americas, and beyond; and such is now their need to alter the oppressive systems of corporate and state authoritarianism and malicious neglect. The history of the present corporate-state systems of rule is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an intolerable tyranny over the people. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world. Continue reading Declaration of Emancipation

Iran Accuses US of Invading Iraq; US Issues Denial

Iran today accused the US of invading Iraq over 5 years ago in 2003, and claims that the US has been “deliberately meddling” ever since by “conquering Iraq, by causing and creating wanton bombing and slaughter and refugee flight” in that country, as well as in Afghanistan. Iran, however, a leading oil exporter, did put in a good word for the great increase in oil price that the purported US invasion has created and sustained.

Through its chief spokesman Stan D. Garde, the US denied that it “invaded Iraq in any traditional sense of the word” but instead has made more of a “preventive visit” only to find itself “invited to build a few bases and stay on” by the Green Zone Iraqi government that the US defends from the vast majority of the rest of the country still known as Iraq. As for any refugee flight, reportedly involving millions of Iraqis, the US spokesman acknowledges that there has been some “limited well-advised and optional relocation of Iraqis but that Iraq is a more lean and harmonious nation today because of it.”

Continue reading Iran Accuses US of Invading Iraq; US Issues Denial

Neo-Damnedlican, Old Rethugnocrat

By now Hillary Clinton has made clear her intention to run for President of the United States as a Neo-Dumblican, a.k.a. an Old Repugnocrat. And why not? After all, Clinton served on the board of directors of Wal-mart, and currently receives the financial support of Wal-mart executives. She interned with Republican office holders, and as a lawyer advocated against the progressive low-income community organization ACORN in the interest of big money. Her health care proposals are very pleasing to the rapacious pharmaceutical industry. And she evidently intends to wage war on as much of the world as possible for the rest of her career. A Neo-Dumblican indeed, this Old Repugnocrat.

Continue reading Neo-Damnedlican, Old Rethugnocrat

Tropetopia 20 — Oila: the 51st State

With gas prices at record levels and oil costs on the verge of going even higher here in the US and with record-setting killing (1,000,000 – best estimates) in and refugee flight (about 2,000,000) from Iraq, there is only one solution that Stan D. Garde can see: make Iraq the 51st state.

Now I realize this may disappoint folks in Puerto Rico and the District of Columbia, and England, Australia, and Israel, etc., all of which at one time or another have seemed to vie to become the 51st state, but given the recent surge in gas and oil prices and the ever pressing need of the US to run the world, I think there is no time to waste in bringing Iraq formally into the Union.

Iraq has already had elections so there should be no problem making the change official, little more than a few minor bureaucratic details. Surely Uncle Sam is strong enough to twist the arms of elected rulers for their signing on as number 51.

Of course the name “Iraq” will have to go. It’s too — what shall we say — foreign, or, I don’t know, Native. Something like Oila would work, I think, since Oila is rather euphonious with, say, Ohio and Iowa, a couple of rock solid middle American names and states, with limited refugee flight.


Now, some may object that Iraq, aka Oila, has already become the 51st state for all practical intents and purposes since, thanks to the invasion and occupation, the oil is essentially under control of the United States, being under its guns, and since the U.S. is already pumping hundreds of billions of dollars into the land. So it may seem very little else is to be gained by Iraq’s formal incorporation into the Union as Oila. It’s true, Iraq and its oil are basically ours now (any impending legal formalization aside) — and not only on the noble you broke it, you bought it, so you might as well go ahead and keep breaking it principle — especially given the ongoing planning and construction of the fourteen permanent U.S. military bases in Iraq and the U.S. embassy the size of a town (heavily fortified) from which ultimate power can flow, along with other gated communities and neighborhood stockades. 


However, failure to formally incorporate Iraq into the States will mean we have learned nothing these many years from the wisdom of U.S. policy planner George F. Kennan who explained the reality of the world so well over half a century ago:

“We have about 50% of the world’s wealth, but only 6.3% of its population. … In this situation, we cannot fail to be the object of envy and resentment. Our real task in the coming period is to devise a pattern of relationships which will permit us to maintain this position of disparity…. To do so, we will have to dispense with all sentimentality and day-dreaming; and our attention will have to be concentrated everywhere on our immediate national objectives…. We should cease to talk about vague and…unreal objectives such as human rights, the raising of the living standards, and democratization. The day is not far off when we are going to have to deal in straight power concepts. The less we are then hampered by idealistic slogans, the better.”

Building on this theme of “straight power concepts,” it seems obvious to me that international sovereignty must be increasingly a relic of the past. There can be only one State, the American State. It will give that Patriotic phrase “Love it or leave it” a whole new meaning.

The Iraqis, I mean, Oilans, will just have to get used to saluting the stars and stripes and singing God Bless America and the Star Spangled Banner. Why should they mind? I don’t think they will mind really, once they learn to forget themselves for the greater glory of the State, just like everyone else.

Puerto Rico, we’ll get to you, especially if a diamond mine, or something, turns up that you might foolishly attempt to keep control of yourself. Of  course your little land and ungainly name will have to go the way of “Iraq” too. New Diamond as a new name might work. Or, say, Shinola.

In the meantime, Welcome, Oila! The 51st American state. An idea whose time has come.

The Bush Plan to Abolish America
The US Conquest of the Middle East
Warhawk Guns For Hire
Dimslow – ‘08
Wholesale Withdrawal
Dimslow Calls the Cops
Anti-War Novels Are Treason
Compassionate Cannibalism
The Up Side of Climate Change
The Tropetopian Age

Tropetopia XIX — The Pangloss Score VI: Anti-War Novels Are Treason

Top Twenty reasons explicit anti-War novels are absurd, an obscenity to humankind (and the publishers who publish them are the scum of the earth) – in the humble opinion of Stan D. Garde: Continue reading Tropetopia XIX — The Pangloss Score VI: Anti-War Novels Are Treason

Tropetopia XVIII — The Pangloss Score V: The Pangloss Score Scored

Top twenty Pangloss Scores on top of my mind, Stan D. Garde:

Top twenty reasons overt anti-war novels are an obscenity to humankind (and the publishers who publish them are the scum of the earth).

Top twenty wonders of War – almost the only taxes worth paying.

Top twenty ways the status quo establishment intends to pay for the fallout of Climate Change.

Top twenty great neo-serf-wage jobs.

Top twenty ways to make a killing.

Top twenty economic scams to avoid.

Top twenty DemRep election strategies.

Top twenty Revolutionary nightmares.

Top twenty Tropetopian Americans.

Top twenty Tropetopian Earthians.

Top twenty places to live and die.

Top twenty ways to administer health care.

Top twenty meanings of social security.

Top twenty reasons to abolish the minimum wage.

Top twenty ways to run and rule prisons.

Top twenty ways to mentally cleanse the youth of any land.

Top twenty ways to control language.

Top twenty ways to run and rule a corporation.

Top twenty ways to run and rule a country.

Top twenty ways to run and rule the world.

Needless to say, these Pangloss Scores are only the merest tip of the iceberg poking out of the top of my head.

With keen regret I note the lack of room in this initial list for other equally vital Pangloss Scores, for example, on religion, sex, drugs, art, food and agriculture, the environment, sports, infants, the elderly, the poor, pregnancy, manners, race, diet, humor, and great Tropetopian moments in history, philosophy, science, fashion, etymology, and all else. But so be it, for we live in the best of all possible Panglossian worlds, words, and whirls, duly enthralled, in good Tropetopian form.

I trope, therefore I am what I am — a faithful trading post, here to produce and consume, to serve the greater.

It’s important to get the Right tropes. Right is Right and left is daft.

The scale of freedom and well-being does not run from great democracy on the left to great tyranny on the right — far from it, delusional thinking. It runs from Totalitarianism on the left, rightward to (so-called) democracy, then further rightward to (so-called) tyranny (benevolent or otherwise), then all the way Right to utter enlightenment and true Righteousness.

It’s clear where I stand.

In this way, I trope.

I believe, too, and therefore act as I should and must, a good loyal vendor-consumer diligently accumulating profits and power upward, the only proper and natural way.

Most sincerely, 

Stan D. Garde
Official Terminate DemRep Sloganeer

Tropetopia XVI – Health Care for All? No Way — Eat the Ill — Compassionate Cannibalism

For once, my everlasting opponent, John Doe Dimslow, seems to say it best:

Universal health care in America? Far better to harvest the ill.  

Article 25 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights is complete lunacy:

“Everyone has the right to a standard of living adequate for the health and well-being of himself and of his family, including food, clothing, housing and medical care and necessary social services, and the right to security in the event of unemployment, sickness, disability, widowhood, old age or other lack of livelihood in circumstances beyond his control.”

We may be born equal but we surely do not have the right to live and die equal.

Why should it mean anything to me that my neighbors have a much greater chance of dying early because they don’t have health insurance, and that my own family has to scramble to keep ourselves covered when we need to change jobs, or that we have to pay spectacularly high fees? Necessity is the mother of invention, is it not? Even if it comes at the price of a preventable death or two, or three, or…. 

Why should I care that the government — ruled by truly benevolent big business — invests next to nothing, or less, in preventive health care? Aren’t they saving me money? Saving us all?

My idea: call it compassionate consumption, or compassionate cannibalism. Maybe a corporation could get a charter to run a business that identifies the weakest among us, beginning at, say, age thirty or forty — or, hell, any age — and then harvest these ill, or maimed, or mere weaklings for amputation or termination and processing into food, or a broad abundance of other commercial products.  

Surely this plan would help ease insurance rates since the sick would not be using up all the funds. And the profit of such an industry would be good for the economy.  

I mean, who needs universal health care and a decent health care system when selective harvesting, processing, and bio-retail will grease the gears of finance for the economy? 

After all, the U.S. has the most expensive and profitable health care system in the world even though it does not come close to covering everyone — a remarkable accomplishment of which any CEO and good citizen should be proad to boast. 

Since treatment is available often only for those wealthy enough to afford their health care plans, which leaves out in the cold an awful lot of John and Jane Does, I ask that rulers in both the private and public sectors both, along with good voters, show some compassion for us Dimslows — harvest the ill and injured.  

There are plenty of possibilities for compassionate consumption. If the internal organs of a person to be harvested are diseased, then, say, the skin could be used to make car seats.  

Or if a person has skin cancer, which leads to harvesting, then make use of the internal organs for, say, dog food, until the advertising industry gets up to speed and successfully markets upscale cannibalism of select organs to the highest class of fine diners — those who in any case are used to living off the backs, the more traditional sacrifice, of those of low income. 

The pharmaceutical companies may scream that this will cut into their stupendous profits, but it seems to me that they, like anyone, could use a little more competition in the cutthroat, so to speak, free market. 

We just need to make sure that the government doesn’t get involved in the body harvesting and processing business, since government sector work is more likely to be unionized than private sector work, and having unions almost always means better wages, more vacation time, and other benefits, like health insurance — and it wouldn’t seem right to have health-insured and at least modestly well paid workers doing such a job.  

I mean, we have to have standards.  

Let ill and poorly compensated workers harvest and process the ill and maimed, who are themselves so often poorly compensated. It only seems Right. 

Harvesting the ill for commercial consumption — is that a great Dimslow idea for correcting the health care crisis in America, or what? If I do say so myself.  

I mean, the alternative is to just let people suffer, and force them into the agonizing decisions of trying to decide whether or not to buy medicine or food or electricity or heat or fuel or shelter or transportation or education, and so on. And that’s not a very nice thing to do to our families and neighbors, now is it?  

Better to kill them early for their own sake, and for our own peace of mind as well. And kill them also, let’s not forget, for the glowing good health of the economy. And kill them too for the logic and wisdom of the big dollars that rule our political system. It only seems Right.

Tropetopia XV — The Pangloss Score III: The Up Side of Climate Change

Top twenty reasons the US should further lead the way in contributing to Global Warming and Climate Change:

Causing the extinction of polar bears is a lot of fun. 200,000 years of having them around is long enough.

We can burn all the coal, oil, and gas we want. And cut down all the rainforests too.

Hurricanes R US. And more storms and floods. Hurricane Katrina provided ethnic cleansing in its most natural form.

Millennial type drought and massive desertification has its own form of austere beauty.

The stimulating effects of mass migration are underestimated. For example, the resulting wars and other conflicts are likely to be quite profitable for those best positioned.

We need something to keep the military busy — not to mention the military industrial complex. What better to justify massive military spending than the invigorating challenges of Climate Change? We need to keep the military active so its contractors can be flush with funds. After all, who better to fund the re-elections of Congress and the President than the makers of bombs and bullets?

Somebody has to lead. If the US doesn’t lead the way in contributing to Global Warming and Climate Change, who will? The UN? Please. The UN is afraid of its own shadow, let alone Climate Change. The US must remain fearless in making the world over in Its Own Image.

Paradise is not so much. Who can profit? So we paved over paradise and put up a parking lot. It’s for the best. The Progressive Era is dead, thank god.

Cars have rights, too.

The oil companies don’t spend all their time and money blocking and buying up mass public transportation systems in cities and all across the nation and lobbying Congress to build and expand vehicular (i.e., big truck) interstates for nothing, you know.

If we oppose Climate Change, then we are opposing the interests of the powerful rich institutions that run this country and world, and we don’t want to do that, do we? Democracy would be nice and all, perhaps, but let’s get real.

We all should be perfectly capable of taking off our sweaters, getting a tan, buying skin cancer insurance, and moving halfway across the country and world if need be for the sake of the vested economic interests (oil, coal, guns, bombs, etc) that provide stability and security for ourselves and the world.

Glaciers? Who needs ‘em.

Let the sea levels rise a few dozen or hundred or more feet — the coast needs a good cleaning anyway.

The poor suffer most from Climate Change — predominantly women and children and non-whites — but so what? Aren’t they used to it?

The stock price of bottled water companies will be out of this world.

Global Warming may be hot, but let’s keep things in perspective — doing much about it is far more uncool.

So what if a few degrees’ rise in global temperature is likely to make extinct another 20 to 30 percent of the world’s species? They’re just taking up space, drinking from dwindling streams, sucking up our ever more precious water. To hell with ‘em.

Our children will have to fend for themselves, just as we had to.

Nothing lasts forever.

So, all in all, I — Stan D. Garde, Official Terminate DemRep Sloganeer – recommend we just chill out about this Global Warming, Climate Change thing, in this best of all possible worlds.

Let’s take a wait-and-see approach and then deal with the Globally Warmed, Climate Changed world we have, and not the one we might wish for.

Seems like a good campaign strategy to me — a real winner — not to mention our best shot at beating that insufferable, irrepressible, indefatigable Dimslow character who is running for the Presidency in ‘08. 

Tropetopia XIV — The Stan D. Garde and John Doe Dimslow Debate

John Doe Dimslow wanted to debate me. The nerve of that impoverished fellow.

“As if your ideas aren’t dead weight from the get go,” said I.

“No, come on,” he replied, “I doubt it could get any more Tropetopian than this — a Dimslow-Garde debate.”

“Well, I guess it would be something to fill my journal,” said I. “Some light diversion. So what shall we discuss? Peace In Our Time? Please.”

“How about health care?” said Dimslow.

“Don’t make me ill,” said I. “The uninsured are damn lucky to live in this vibrant country.”

“As opposed to Canada?” said Dimslow much too predictably, “where health insurance coverage is universal – provided for all by the government.”

“The Great Socialist Nightmare,” said I.

“Oh, it’s the Great Capitalist Nightmare here,” said Dimslow with his typically obscene logic. “And here it’s a fact that tens of millions of people go uninsured, are less healthy, die sooner, and still the health care system – what there is of it – costs more money per capita than in Canada. It’s literally costing and killing us.”

“You forget one thing,” said I. “The marketplace here provides all the freedom a person could want to choose to be insured. Just work hard and pay your dues.”

“If you can find a job, let alone a healthy one,” said the insufferable Dimslow. “Then there’s the choice between food, clothing, shelter, heat, transportation, and medicine.”

“It’s a free country, I’ve always said. We are ever free to choose.”

“Oh sure, to sleep under the bridge at night, to suffer, to die young. Great. Why not just harvest the ill and be done with them – children especially, since they live in such high rates of poverty? We could grind up the little girls and boys into dog and cat food for the pets of the affluent.”

“You call this a debate, Mr. Dimslow? Sounds more like a gratuitous spewing of vitriol to me.”

“You have my ideas,” said Dimslow.

“Where would the money come from? There’s no money to insure people.”

“From you and your wealthy friends. It would come from eliminating the profit rape of the pharmaceutical companies, and others.”

“Impossible. Congress would not dare.”

“You may be right, Stan D. Garde.”

“I’m glad you finally think so.”

“There may be only one solution then. The final solution.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about, Mr. John Doe Dimslow, and I have no wish to find out.” I’ll admit, here — I shivered. “There is no solution, and none is needed.”

“We must have a solution,” said Dimslow.

“I think not.”

“Possibly it has come to this — We must eat the rich. We must eat you, Stan D. Garde.”

“I assure you, Dimslow, any wealth of mine is newfound, and utterly indigestible.”

John Doe held his belly, as if, I thought, to belch. Instead he laughed. “See you at dinner, Garde,” said he, and walked off, laughing. “See you at dinner!” he called back.

“You’re all bark and no bite!” I hollered after him. I shook my fist at his threatening form, but he only laughed the more.

Tropetopia XIII — The Pangloss Score II — The US Conquest of the Middle East

Top twenty reasons the US should further invade and occupy the entire “Middle East” – aka Oila –
by Stan D. Garde:

The inhabitants of these lands are tired of their massive oil burden and would like to have it taken off their hands.

The US owns the world so is only taking its due share.

Certain environmentally responsible corporations wish to keep filling up Hummers, other Sport Utility Vehicles, and non mass transit systems.

The Air Force needs fuel to drop its bombs to get its fuel.

The US is thirsty for the crude.

King George — aka, President Powerdrunk — decrees it.

US soldiers love spending the best years of their lives getting blown up and blowing people up.

In years gone by it used to be that the US could get the countries in the region to slaughter each other on their own accord, on US behalf. Not so much anymore. Today, several of these very same countries need direct, even Divine, US intervention.

Russian deterrence is a distant memory and tiny little China is but a mere speck on the map.

No one in their Right mind can imagine Baghdad without a US flag planted smack in the middle of it.

Or Tehran.

Or Islamabad. Etc.

All sane people agree — World War III is to die for, since Big Business would make a Royal Killing.

Obliterating Oila is by far the best use of the US National Guard. Helping people in times of flood, hurricane, and tornado…laudable but a distant tertiary concern.

In the immortal words of New York Times columnist, Thomas Friedman in his 1999 book The Lexus and the Olive Tree: “McDonald’s cannot flourish [in Oila or anywhere else presumably] without McDonnell Douglas, the designer of the U.S. Air Force F-15. And the hidden fist that keeps the world safe for Silicon Valley’s technologies to flourish is called the U.S. Army, Air Force, Navy and Marine Corps.”

In the immortal words of President Bill Clinton’s Secretary of State Madeleine Albright (current Barack Obama advisor) when asked about the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Iraqi children due to US-UN sanctions: “We think the price is worth it.”

In the immortal words of Albright on another occasion: “What’s the point of having a superb military…if we can’t use it?”

In the immortal words of former President George H. W. Bush: “What we say goes.”

What’s another Oilan conflagration or two in the grand scheming of things?

Once again, Whose oil? Our oil.

As Dr. Pangloss says, “If you truly want the best of all possible worlds, you have to bomb for it.”

So these are the top twenty reasons the US should conquer all Oila, though there are countless other worthy and practical reasons about which we could go on forever and ever more, or until The End, of course, whichever comes first.

Stan D. Garde
DemRep Sloganeer

Tropetopia XII — Down with John Doe Dimslow

This is the man who must be stopped – John Doe Dimslow, the DemReps’ strongest opponent in the upcoming 2008 US Presidential election.

Clearly, the poor man knows no bounds and has no sense of decency, zero (not to mention inverse) geopolitical acumen and is at an utter loss for publicity and sloganeering. Yet our ongoing polling data indicates that he remains a very dangerous US Presidential candidate indeed – especially on the ever sensitive and dread topic of “the issues”. On the issues, the man shows some unfathomable striking resonance with the masses of loyal vendor-consumers that are the good people of this land. Possibly our poll questions have not been best designed as of yet. We will see to this in the future. The very near future. The Dimslow threat must be stopped, the virus eradicated. Down with Dimslow, I say. Let the sloganeering commence.  

Dimslow’s April 1 chilling candidacy announcement

I, John Doe Dimslow, hereby declare my candidacy for President of the United States.  

This is not an April Fool’s joke. Though I wish it were.

The political platform on which I will base my campaign and which will serve as guide if elected is not the Holy Corporate Charter but the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, signed into law by the United States and other nations over half a century ago, a declaration that has still not been lived up to, and for no good reason.

My main planks will not be based on the lunatic motto of capitalism that “private vice leads to public good” but instead will be based on the various articles in the UDHR, of which I will have more to say – especially in relation to current events and conditions, and especially as seen through the eyes of Dimslows everywhere – in the coming weeks, months, and years leading up to the election for the 2008 presidency. 

The decision of selecting a running mate has been a long and arduous process that I have suffered through for some time now. I have finally decided to select as running mate someone who I believe will give me immense credibility, someone who will be able to stand up to the candidates for the Dems and Reps with credentials every bit as distinguished and fine, someone brilliant who burns with a keen sense for expanding civilization for the benefit of all everywhere, someone who will back down from nothing and no one, someone utterly reliable and dependable and someone who holds the best interests of the American people close to his heart—someone, again, I cannot emphasize enough, with a proven track record and solid credibility, someone equal to and every bit as good as any of the likely candidates for the D’s and R’s. And so now I hereby proclaim to be my running mate, Vice Presidential candidate for the 2008 elections, the next esteemed Vice President of the United States of America: Genghis Khan! 

Actually, not the Genghis Khan, the renowned Mongol invader of centuries past but a descendent of his, a long since naturalized American, who yet retains the most outstanding characteristics of not only the great Genghis Khan himself but also of his grandson, Hulagu Khan, who conquered Iraq some eight centuries ago. No less is to be expected of my vice presidential nominee, who, given his acclaimed heritage, it should be clear to all, is the ideal candidate to square off with any likely candidate selected by the D’s and R’s. Welcome to the Dimslow campaign of 2008, O great descendent of Genghis Khan. 

April Fools! 

April fools, not regarding my own candidacy, which will proceed as scheduled, but regarding my choice of candidate for Vice President – a choice I have in fact not yet made. The Genghis Khan descendents will have to look to the policy establishments of the D’s and R’s for their continued employment.

In the meantime I urge everyone everywhere – Genghis Khan devotees aside – to pitch in on the UDHR Dimslow efforts for now, for ’08, forevermore.



 |  |


Sat Apr 9, 12:01 PM ET JDD Press

Citizen of the United States of America, and of Earth, John Doe Dimslow peers out from a window of his home and wonders what is becoming of his country and the world, on Saturday, April 9, 2005. He wonders if he will be able to keep his home and keep up with the energy and fuel bills. His health insurance is poor, and he intends to keep pressuring the government to call off its attack on the world, and to maintain and improve its services to his kin and to humankind, and to do much more to keep the United Corporations from ripping him off, along with everyone else. He is glad to see the duck get a fair shake. And he wishes the duck well. (JDD Photos/Jane Doe Dimslow)


     Dimslow – 2008    

Tropetopia XI — The Tropetopian Age

Some have asked me, Stan D. Garde – “What is a Tropetopian Age? What do you mean by Tropetopia?”

First, the etymology —


Latin tropus, from Greek tropos turn, way, manner, style, trope, from trepein to turn — a word or expression used in a figurative sense; figure of speech — a common or overused theme or device; cliche

topia — by way of utopia:

Utopia, imaginary and ideal country in Utopia (1516) by Sir Thomas More, from Greek ou not, no + topos place — an imaginary and indefinitely remote place — a place of ideal perfection especially in laws, government, and social conditions — an impractical scheme for social improvement

Of course, my slogans and policies are the furthest from “impractical” — that’s why the u in utopia is dropped. I’m not talking noplace here. I’m talking the world today. Tropetopia.

Unfortunately, book critics such as the ones below, though extraordinarily well-meaning, just don’t get it. It was sad really what these good men and women had to say about my previous book, Youthtopia:

A terrible book. Irresponsible.
   – Dean Obay

This book should be banned.
   – Will Servile

No one under 21 should be allowed to read this book.
No one over 30 could have written it.
   – Connie Sireton

No reputable publisher would go anywhere near it.
– Amanda Thority

Ban it. Burn it. Bury it.
– Newt Baas

I thought well only of the review by Dimn Flattary, in which he wrote, “High School like you’ve never seen it. High school like you’ve always known it.”

(I can state authoritatively due to many years of service in lovely Rockview Terminal, the Terminators never forget that our children are our greatest resource, and they do everything in their power to make sure our children are mentally cleansed, as thoroughly and as efficiently as possible — patriotica, electronica, Americana: YouthTopia — which is exactly what my mentally cleansed kin above value as well as I. Actually, I think the critics were simply afraid the book would fall deleteriously into the hands of those who have not yet been properly mentally cleansed — youth. Of coure the book is not for youth, and I give strict orders in the book to keep it out of the hands of all youth. I wrote Youthtopia for thoroughly cleansed eyes, ears, and minds only — those of mature adults, of course. Wishful thinking, I suppose, since the ban was quickly broken — but to few ill effects, apparently. So I now feel free to write Tropetopia for everyone.)

Whereas Youthtopia revealed school as if people (parents in particular) had never seen it though always known it, with Tropetopia I hope to illuminate the world entire by way of this Global Campaign Journal that may strike many as if they never had known such a global campaign for the benefit of all humankind even existed though they’ve always seen it.

Don’t look now but this is an age of massive public relations. A very large percentage of the Gross National Product consists of advertising alone. What civilized institution anymore isn’t advertising a great deal — or isn’t in and of itself a sheer monument of PR? The realm of trope.

The more you think about it, the more you live, the more you come to see: All is trope — living, breathing, thinking, believing, buying, selling, living, breathing, thinking, believing, buying, selling – more than ever, we trope to live, we live to trope. Tropetopia.

The power of trope – we couldn’t think a straight thought, live a straight life, or put our world on the straight and narrow without it.

Tropetopia X — I Mean What I Say

You know how some people say something that says something they haven’t said? They speak indirect to communicate. I’m not one of those people. I mean what I say.Other people say, “It sure is a hot day today…” then swallow hard when they are at your place and you’ve forgotten to offer them something to drink.

Continue reading Tropetopia X — I Mean What I Say

Tropetopia IX — The Pangloss Score I: The DemReps

There is nothing so important as inspirational uplift, for maintaining organizational effectiveness in this Terminate age, so I, Stan D. Garde, as Official DemRep Sloganeer, feel duty-bound to offer periodic Panglossian Top Twenty Lists – The Pangloss Score.

All hail Dr. Pangloss, who understood so well that we who do live in this world, do live in “the best of all possible worlds.”

The Pangloss Score I – The DemReps

Why the DemReps are the best of all possible political parties

Due to the wonders of electronica, it just so happens that any given vote for the DemReps may count repeatedly.

Conversely, any votes for anyone else may never show up at all.

Better the Devil you know!

Orwell said it best – The Party that controls the present, controls the past. The Party that controls the past, controls the future. The vote is in, is it not?

The Golden DemRep Rule – Do unto the DemReps, as you would have them do unto you.

The DemReps – Who else?

DemReps – The Party to die for.

DemReps R Us.

Choice is overrated.

Why not conform?

Inspired by the master policy planner Jonathan Swift, the DemReps come up with one great “Modest Proposal” after another.

The DemReps know money – yours especially.

No party is more considerate of the common person than the DemReps. Who better to lead us from our caves of ignorance to the true path of understanding? Perhaps Ambrose Bierce said it best, the DemReps are like “One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience.”

In the enlightened words of the first Chief Justice of the United States Supreme Court, John Jay – “Those who own the country ought to govern it.”

The DemReps are the best big money can buy.

In the DemReps we trust.

Nearly a thousand US military installations in far more than a hundred countries can’t be wrong.

Democracy is but a passing fad.

The DemReps know enough to use the United Nations Declaration of Human Rights proclamation document – both its individual rights side and its social rights side – as toilet paper.

No one hurls the war cries louder, no one “catapults the propaganda” better than the DemReps. They rule!

So we good loyal vendor-consumers should vote accordingly.

All hail Pangloss.

Praise be The Pangloss Score – as it was in the past, is now, and ever shall be, Panglossian world without end, Amen.

I believe, therefore I Pangloss.

Stan D. Garde here. Peace out.

(Down with Dimslow.)

Tropetopia VIII — Epic of Epics

If this American Campaign Journal, Tropetopia – more realistically titled, Global Campaign Journal – were anything more than a humble vessel of the popular will (the good loyal vendor-consumer will, of course) then I would be forced to point out that my notes here form the makings of an epic that easily has the potential to reveal more and far surpass in all elements any and all great works heretofore, including any and all works of the imagination and of fact – such as all epics of poetry, fiction, history, philosophy, sociology, theory, religion, science, and any sort of literature whatsoever, the novel, not least.

I would be forced to state that Tropetopia is sort of a history of histories, a philosophy of philosophies, a religion of religions, a theory of theories, a science of sciences, a novel of novels – a literature of literatures.

But – since Tropetopia is merely a modest old campaign journal, I can admit to nothing of the kind, however true it may be.

Tropetopia VII — The Curse of the Dumblicans and the Repugnocrats

All right, damn it. All to the Right.

Time to face facts. That’s what I do. That’s my role. I look the nasty facts in the face to keep all us loyal DemRep Vendor-Consumers one step ahead of reality.

I read all the polls and then I redesign them and I poll the more. No matter how heinous – it is my job to confront reality.

Here’s reality –

95 percent of VC admit to calling the DemReps by either the old slur of Dumblican or Repugnocrat at least once during the previous year.

These curse words are what have got to stop.

98.5 percent of VC polled admit (meaning the number is probably far higher) to calling, or at least thinking, of the DemReps as the DamnRips (short for Damned Ripoffs) – or some version thereof (i.e., DumbRips, DimRips, DipRips, DopeRips, etc).

These are absolutely libelous names and appalling numbers, as any good VC should know.

This shows that we good VC are far from fully consuming and internalizing the best in Terminate DemRep Sloganeering offered today – at least on any consistent basis – periodic triumphs of TDR sloganeering aside.

As Official Terminate DemRep Sloganeer, I intend to fully correct this abysmal situation.

The corrections shall heretofore commence, in public and private both.

It begins with you – each and every loyal and faithful Vender-Consumer alive today. You must internalize each and every slogan that is good for you and your country and world. You must buy in and not opt out. You must produce on a regular basis your own such slogans and carry them on, pass them out, and not pass them by.

We good VC produce and consume many important wonders these days – including a dizzying variety of electronica, foodstuffs, and subsistence gear – but nothing so vital as our daily nutritious assortment of slogans by which and only by which (brute force excepted) our great age may profit and thrive.

I urge you then, and now, good VC of the world, go forth and slogan, as will I – in proper VC fashion and style — the most profound, the most fitting, the most rewarding way known…

…the most constructive, the most benevolent, the most efficient, the most democratic — you get it — way of life known to humankind.

Tropetopia VI — Hurl On

Indeed, in deed, the distance, insofar as it is detectible, between being the next great President of the United States and the Official Sloganeer is unimaginably small.

As that greatest of all Presidents once said, the job of the Presidency is basically to “catapult the propaganda.” It can’t be writ any better. I challenge any sloganeer. 

Think about it — a catapult is an ancient device for firing missiles and comes from the Greek words hurl and down. Meanwhile slogan comes from the Scottish Gaelic words meaning army and cry, or war cry. Thus to “catapult the propaganda” – or slogans – that is, to be the President of the United States, the Commander in Chief, a Chief Executive Officer, or the Official Sloganeer – is to hurl down war cries, upon the country and world, to throw down, to cry out in battle – O thrilling and blessed state of affairs.

“‘Do Less with More’ – How’s that for a great terministration, excuse me, I mean, administration and campaign slogan?”

The first definition of campaign is “a connected series of military operations forming a distinct phase of a war,” and the word is derived from the Latin word for level country, if not a country that has been leveled into perfect uniformity by the determined catapulting of inspired campaign slogans – the propaganda.

I suppose it would be unbecoming at this point in this fastidious war, I mean, campaign journal to go into the combined religious and sexual origins of the word propaganda. Possibly another opportunity shall arise. For now we will limit our examinations of the potency of words, names, speeches to those which are more militantly related to power and might – as most befits any proper campaign journal.

“I love it,” said the Arranger, “Less with More – as in, lower expectations with more effort, reduced role of government with more PR, less disobedience with more authority, less complaining with more pride, less agitation with more religion, more border patrol less immigration, more weapons fewer uprisings, and fewer people controlling more money for the benefit of country and world – of course we won’t go public with that last one, and possibly some of the others. They will be for internal consumption only. It’s for the best.”

“I couldn’t agree more if you had said less,” said I. “This new job you’ve bestowed upon me is so awesome. I can’t wait to get up every morning and hurl the propaganda. It’s such a great time to be a sloganeer.”

“It certainly is,” declared the Arranger. “As always. To slogan is to live, I like to say. What could be better than to slogan away the glorious day? Hurl on, my Good Man. Hurl on.”

Tropetopia V — Official Sloganeer

“There has been a terrible mistake,” the Arranger told me the next time we met.

“Not the Living Wage, again?” said I.

“No, no. But that puts things in perspective, Stan D. Garde. Thank you. Nothing so terrible as that. It’s you we must terminate.”

I will say this was not the first time I began inexplicably to distrust the Arranger. But I will say no more at the moment.

“I thought I was in good standing.”

“Oh, you are Garde, you are, undoubtedly. And far more than good standing, I might add, for you remain indispensable to the DemReps, and, well, in so many ways to us all. However, the Party does not want you to run for President, after all. Apparently, I was given the wrong instructions. We want you to write speeches, talking points, sound bytes, inspirational memos, news releases, and other publicity texts. We’ll pay well – quite a bit more than the subsistence wage you made back at Rockview Terminal.”

They would have to.

For I sorely resented being jerked around so severely, and I vowed it would never happen again. Gone were my visions of personally ordering the bombing of disobedient third world countries. Gone were my visions of restoring the United States to its pre-Civil War bucolic days and ways. Gone were my visions of, well, being a PVI – a Presidential Vision Itself.

I was outraged, infuriated, scandalized. I swallowed and burped softly. I wondered how I could be sure the DemRep Party was about to offer me a real position for the future. There was only one way, I decided firmly – I would create a position myself and demand it for myself.

“We would like you, now,” said the Arranger, “to be The Official Terminate DemRep Sloganeer” (– the United Corporations of course having adopted the inspired school district lingo of Terminal to their purposes many years ago. Thus, corporate became terminate, and corporations became terminations – as in the United Terminations of America and the World, the illustrious ruling global body. Of course, the schools had further changed the formal titles of administrator and superintendent to terministrator and superintermident, but terminations had been content to stick with their old fashioned yet powerfully allusive term, executive).

“The Official Terminate DemRep Sloganeer” – I mulled over the newly offered title. Highly attractive – I had to admit and could not resist. Gone was my good intention to retrench, stand firm, act on my own initiative. I coughed. “I am deeply disappointed,” said I.

“I understand.”

“I accept.”

“I understand that too.”

“The Official Terminate DemRep Sloganeer. It has a nice ring,” said I.

“A grand title.”

“A great honor.”

“One which we are more than glad to bestow. OTS, for short. Very good.” He clapped me on the back so powerfully it almost sent me toppling. But not quite. “I look forward to hearing your very first OTS, tomorrow, Stan D. Garde.”

“You can count on it, Sire. Excuse me, of course, I mean, Sir.” And not the French word from which Sir is derived, meaning Father, or Master.

“Outstanding, Garde. See you then.”

“Yes, Sir,” said I. “On the morrow.”

A slogan instantly popped into my mind: Never stab a man in the back who may as easily be stabbed in the chest.

On second thought, I decided to put that one away for a later day.

What would I come up with? A thousand and one possibilities seemed to flash instantly through my mind.

But first and foremost, that is, after “Conquer the World, Now,” came a blazing, blinking, short and sweet, concise and neat slogan that I knew would be the one to get the whole thing going – We Promise to Do Less with More.

And its various grammarizations — 

Doing Less With More.

Have More, Do Less.

More, Less. More, Less. More, Less.

And so forth.

Numerous understandings and examples of this inspiring slogan seemed so evident that I would scarcely need spell them out for the Arranger and any others tomorrow. The point, the barb, the hook was in the catchiness, the catchingness, the absolute grab you by the ganglia and not let you go nature of the trope — the twist and turn. Some call it spin.

All in all, it may seem quite a tumble to go from being candidate for the next great President of the United States to being the Official Terminate DemRep Sloganeer.

However, anyone who thinks about it for any length of time whatsoever cannot help but see that the distance between the President and Official Sloganeer is so slight as to escape notice. 

After all, the President “catapults the propaganda” in the words of one of the greatest all time DemRep Presidents, George W. Bush, and in this way one “builds a bridge to the future” in the words of his colleague in arms, that other former great DemRep President, Bill Clinton.

And the Sloganeer of course tropes into shape that which is to be catapulted.

What a great future we catapult, indeed.