Tropetopia XV — The Pangloss Score III: The Up Side of Climate Change

Top twenty reasons the US should further lead the way in contributing to Global Warming and Climate Change:

Causing the extinction of polar bears is a lot of fun. 200,000 years of having them around is long enough.

We can burn all the coal, oil, and gas we want. And cut down all the rainforests too.

Hurricanes R US. And more storms and floods. Hurricane Katrina provided ethnic cleansing in its most natural form.

Millennial type drought and massive desertification has its own form of austere beauty.

The stimulating effects of mass migration are underestimated. For example, the resulting wars and other conflicts are likely to be quite profitable for those best positioned.

We need something to keep the military busy — not to mention the military industrial complex. What better to justify massive military spending than the invigorating challenges of Climate Change? We need to keep the military active so its contractors can be flush with funds. After all, who better to fund the re-elections of Congress and the President than the makers of bombs and bullets?

Somebody has to lead. If the US doesn’t lead the way in contributing to Global Warming and Climate Change, who will? The UN? Please. The UN is afraid of its own shadow, let alone Climate Change. The US must remain fearless in making the world over in Its Own Image.

Paradise is not so much. Who can profit? So we paved over paradise and put up a parking lot. It’s for the best. The Progressive Era is dead, thank god.

Cars have rights, too.

The oil companies don’t spend all their time and money blocking and buying up mass public transportation systems in cities and all across the nation and lobbying Congress to build and expand vehicular (i.e., big truck) interstates for nothing, you know.

If we oppose Climate Change, then we are opposing the interests of the powerful rich institutions that run this country and world, and we don’t want to do that, do we? Democracy would be nice and all, perhaps, but let’s get real.

We all should be perfectly capable of taking off our sweaters, getting a tan, buying skin cancer insurance, and moving halfway across the country and world if need be for the sake of the vested economic interests (oil, coal, guns, bombs, etc) that provide stability and security for ourselves and the world.

Glaciers? Who needs ‘em.

Let the sea levels rise a few dozen or hundred or more feet — the coast needs a good cleaning anyway.

The poor suffer most from Climate Change — predominantly women and children and non-whites — but so what? Aren’t they used to it?

The stock price of bottled water companies will be out of this world.

Global Warming may be hot, but let’s keep things in perspective — doing much about it is far more uncool.

So what if a few degrees’ rise in global temperature is likely to make extinct another 20 to 30 percent of the world’s species? They’re just taking up space, drinking from dwindling streams, sucking up our ever more precious water. To hell with ‘em.

Our children will have to fend for themselves, just as we had to.

Nothing lasts forever.

So, all in all, I — Stan D. Garde, Official Terminate DemRep Sloganeer – recommend we just chill out about this Global Warming, Climate Change thing, in this best of all possible worlds.

Let’s take a wait-and-see approach and then deal with the Globally Warmed, Climate Changed world we have, and not the one we might wish for.

Seems like a good campaign strategy to me — a real winner — not to mention our best shot at beating that insufferable, irrepressible, indefatigable Dimslow character who is running for the Presidency in ‘08.