Tropetopia XVII — The Pangloss Score IV: CEO Welfare

Top twenty reasons Congress should pass a law raising the pay of CEOs:

What are friends for?

It’s what the people want. 

Equality — if the lowest paid employees get a boost in their minimum wage, the highest paid employees should get one too.

Efficiency — what else would convince even the most hardened executives to fire half the workforce putting people out of house and home to further improve corporate profits but a substantial boost in their utterly base salary.

An oldie but goodie — in the immortal words of first US Supreme Court Chief Justice John Jay, “The people who own the country ought to govern it” any damned way they please.

Something needs to be done to lower everyone else’s expectations to more economically realistic, base levels.

Surplus motivates (in cutting edge ways) those who have, while real and dire need motivates those who have not.

A healthy diversity is rooted in inequality, is it not? Setting records in fiscal inequality is exhilarating. Virtually all the press agrees.

Since poverty seems to correlate with street crimes and wealth seems to correlate with suite crimes and middle class comfort seems to correlate with crimes of omission, it’s good to help keep everything balanced in normal fashion, the natural way.

Humongous CEO pay puts thing in the proper perspective and helps keep things in the proper working order.

Equality of condition? That’s fine, as long as it doesn’t involve money — as every good Congress knows and shows.

One must give money (a lot of it) to get money (a lot of it) to get elected (a lot) and thus keep democracy alive and well — fiscally sound, affordable — in good standing with those who call the shots. 

Itchy backs.

Congress has to do something. It’s doing the best it can. Everyone knows that.

What’s good for corporate America is good for even the poorest of the poor — in this land and especially abroad.

It’s good because everybody gets something, whether it be a Gold Rush, a trickle down, or a nice illusion.

If it weren’t for the rich, what would the wretched aspire to?

This is a democracy not an aristocracy. We don’t go by the whims and fancies of any Queen. We don’t offer cake to Les Misérables. We give people what they deserve — rich and poor alike.

Congress knows what’s important in life. Far better that the dissatisfied turn their thoughts to that of heaven rather than to the mundane concerns of the world.

If Congress stopped handing out carats to the rich, what would be left for Congress to do but put the bare stick to the poor? And who can imagine Congress ever doing that?

What more might be well added to this powerful list in support of enlightened fiscal policy for CEOs and the nation and beyond I, Stan D. Garde, can only wonder. Another proud day for the rulers of the world, we all can see.

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