Tropetopia XIX — The Pangloss Score VI: Anti-War Novels Are Treason

Top Twenty reasons explicit anti-War novels are absurd, an obscenity to humankind (and the publishers who publish them are the scum of the earth) – in the humble opinion of Stan D. Garde: Continue reading Tropetopia XIX — The Pangloss Score VI: Anti-War Novels Are Treason

Tropetopia XVIII — The Pangloss Score V: The Pangloss Score Scored

Top twenty Pangloss Scores on top of my mind, Stan D. Garde:

Top twenty reasons overt anti-war novels are an obscenity to humankind (and the publishers who publish them are the scum of the earth).

Top twenty wonders of War – almost the only taxes worth paying.

Top twenty ways the status quo establishment intends to pay for the fallout of Climate Change.

Top twenty great neo-serf-wage jobs.

Top twenty ways to make a killing.

Top twenty economic scams to avoid.

Top twenty DemRep election strategies.

Top twenty Revolutionary nightmares.

Top twenty Tropetopian Americans.

Top twenty Tropetopian Earthians.

Top twenty places to live and die.

Top twenty ways to administer health care.

Top twenty meanings of social security.

Top twenty reasons to abolish the minimum wage.

Top twenty ways to run and rule prisons.

Top twenty ways to mentally cleanse the youth of any land.

Top twenty ways to control language.

Top twenty ways to run and rule a corporation.

Top twenty ways to run and rule a country.

Top twenty ways to run and rule the world.

Needless to say, these Pangloss Scores are only the merest tip of the iceberg poking out of the top of my head.

With keen regret I note the lack of room in this initial list for other equally vital Pangloss Scores, for example, on religion, sex, drugs, art, food and agriculture, the environment, sports, infants, the elderly, the poor, pregnancy, manners, race, diet, humor, and great Tropetopian moments in history, philosophy, science, fashion, etymology, and all else. But so be it, for we live in the best of all possible Panglossian worlds, words, and whirls, duly enthralled, in good Tropetopian form.

I trope, therefore I am what I am — a faithful trading post, here to produce and consume, to serve the greater.

It’s important to get the Right tropes. Right is Right and left is daft.

The scale of freedom and well-being does not run from great democracy on the left to great tyranny on the right — far from it, delusional thinking. It runs from Totalitarianism on the left, rightward to (so-called) democracy, then further rightward to (so-called) tyranny (benevolent or otherwise), then all the way Right to utter enlightenment and true Righteousness.

It’s clear where I stand.

In this way, I trope.

I believe, too, and therefore act as I should and must, a good loyal vendor-consumer diligently accumulating profits and power upward, the only proper and natural way.

Most sincerely, 

Stan D. Garde
Official Terminate DemRep Sloganeer

Tropetopia XV — The Pangloss Score III: The Up Side of Climate Change

Top twenty reasons the US should further lead the way in contributing to Global Warming and Climate Change:

Causing the extinction of polar bears is a lot of fun. 200,000 years of having them around is long enough.

We can burn all the coal, oil, and gas we want. And cut down all the rainforests too.

Hurricanes R US. And more storms and floods. Hurricane Katrina provided ethnic cleansing in its most natural form.

Millennial type drought and massive desertification has its own form of austere beauty.

The stimulating effects of mass migration are underestimated. For example, the resulting wars and other conflicts are likely to be quite profitable for those best positioned.

We need something to keep the military busy — not to mention the military industrial complex. What better to justify massive military spending than the invigorating challenges of Climate Change? We need to keep the military active so its contractors can be flush with funds. After all, who better to fund the re-elections of Congress and the President than the makers of bombs and bullets?

Somebody has to lead. If the US doesn’t lead the way in contributing to Global Warming and Climate Change, who will? The UN? Please. The UN is afraid of its own shadow, let alone Climate Change. The US must remain fearless in making the world over in Its Own Image.

Paradise is not so much. Who can profit? So we paved over paradise and put up a parking lot. It’s for the best. The Progressive Era is dead, thank god.

Cars have rights, too.

The oil companies don’t spend all their time and money blocking and buying up mass public transportation systems in cities and all across the nation and lobbying Congress to build and expand vehicular (i.e., big truck) interstates for nothing, you know.

If we oppose Climate Change, then we are opposing the interests of the powerful rich institutions that run this country and world, and we don’t want to do that, do we? Democracy would be nice and all, perhaps, but let’s get real.

We all should be perfectly capable of taking off our sweaters, getting a tan, buying skin cancer insurance, and moving halfway across the country and world if need be for the sake of the vested economic interests (oil, coal, guns, bombs, etc) that provide stability and security for ourselves and the world.

Glaciers? Who needs ‘em.

Let the sea levels rise a few dozen or hundred or more feet — the coast needs a good cleaning anyway.

The poor suffer most from Climate Change — predominantly women and children and non-whites — but so what? Aren’t they used to it?

The stock price of bottled water companies will be out of this world.

Global Warming may be hot, but let’s keep things in perspective — doing much about it is far more uncool.

So what if a few degrees’ rise in global temperature is likely to make extinct another 20 to 30 percent of the world’s species? They’re just taking up space, drinking from dwindling streams, sucking up our ever more precious water. To hell with ‘em.

Our children will have to fend for themselves, just as we had to.

Nothing lasts forever.

So, all in all, I — Stan D. Garde, Official Terminate DemRep Sloganeer – recommend we just chill out about this Global Warming, Climate Change thing, in this best of all possible worlds.

Let’s take a wait-and-see approach and then deal with the Globally Warmed, Climate Changed world we have, and not the one we might wish for.

Seems like a good campaign strategy to me — a real winner — not to mention our best shot at beating that insufferable, irrepressible, indefatigable Dimslow character who is running for the Presidency in ‘08. 

Tropetopia XIII — The Pangloss Score II — The US Conquest of the Middle East

Top twenty reasons the US should further invade and occupy the entire “Middle East” – aka Oila –
by Stan D. Garde:

The inhabitants of these lands are tired of their massive oil burden and would like to have it taken off their hands.

The US owns the world so is only taking its due share.

Certain environmentally responsible corporations wish to keep filling up Hummers, other Sport Utility Vehicles, and non mass transit systems.

The Air Force needs fuel to drop its bombs to get its fuel.

The US is thirsty for the crude.

King George — aka, President Powerdrunk — decrees it.

US soldiers love spending the best years of their lives getting blown up and blowing people up.

In years gone by it used to be that the US could get the countries in the region to slaughter each other on their own accord, on US behalf. Not so much anymore. Today, several of these very same countries need direct, even Divine, US intervention.

Russian deterrence is a distant memory and tiny little China is but a mere speck on the map.

No one in their Right mind can imagine Baghdad without a US flag planted smack in the middle of it.

Or Tehran.

Or Islamabad. Etc.

All sane people agree — World War III is to die for, since Big Business would make a Royal Killing.

Obliterating Oila is by far the best use of the US National Guard. Helping people in times of flood, hurricane, and tornado…laudable but a distant tertiary concern.

In the immortal words of New York Times columnist, Thomas Friedman in his 1999 book The Lexus and the Olive Tree: “McDonald’s cannot flourish [in Oila or anywhere else presumably] without McDonnell Douglas, the designer of the U.S. Air Force F-15. And the hidden fist that keeps the world safe for Silicon Valley’s technologies to flourish is called the U.S. Army, Air Force, Navy and Marine Corps.”

In the immortal words of President Bill Clinton’s Secretary of State Madeleine Albright (current Barack Obama advisor) when asked about the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Iraqi children due to US-UN sanctions: “We think the price is worth it.”

In the immortal words of Albright on another occasion: “What’s the point of having a superb military…if we can’t use it?”

In the immortal words of former President George H. W. Bush: “What we say goes.”

What’s another Oilan conflagration or two in the grand scheming of things?

Once again, Whose oil? Our oil.

As Dr. Pangloss says, “If you truly want the best of all possible worlds, you have to bomb for it.”

So these are the top twenty reasons the US should conquer all Oila, though there are countless other worthy and practical reasons about which we could go on forever and ever more, or until The End, of course, whichever comes first.

Stan D. Garde
DemRep Sloganeer

Tropetopia IX — The Pangloss Score I: The DemReps

There is nothing so important as inspirational uplift, for maintaining organizational effectiveness in this Terminate age, so I, Stan D. Garde, as Official DemRep Sloganeer, feel duty-bound to offer periodic Panglossian Top Twenty Lists – The Pangloss Score.

All hail Dr. Pangloss, who understood so well that we who do live in this world, do live in “the best of all possible worlds.”

The Pangloss Score I – The DemReps

Why the DemReps are the best of all possible political parties

Due to the wonders of electronica, it just so happens that any given vote for the DemReps may count repeatedly.

Conversely, any votes for anyone else may never show up at all.

Better the Devil you know!

Orwell said it best – The Party that controls the present, controls the past. The Party that controls the past, controls the future. The vote is in, is it not?

The Golden DemRep Rule – Do unto the DemReps, as you would have them do unto you.

The DemReps – Who else?

DemReps – The Party to die for.

DemReps R Us.

Choice is overrated.

Why not conform?

Inspired by the master policy planner Jonathan Swift, the DemReps come up with one great “Modest Proposal” after another.

The DemReps know money – yours especially.

No party is more considerate of the common person than the DemReps. Who better to lead us from our caves of ignorance to the true path of understanding? Perhaps Ambrose Bierce said it best, the DemReps are like “One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience.”

In the enlightened words of the first Chief Justice of the United States Supreme Court, John Jay – “Those who own the country ought to govern it.”

The DemReps are the best big money can buy.

In the DemReps we trust.

Nearly a thousand US military installations in far more than a hundred countries can’t be wrong.

Democracy is but a passing fad.

The DemReps know enough to use the United Nations Declaration of Human Rights proclamation document – both its individual rights side and its social rights side – as toilet paper.

No one hurls the war cries louder, no one “catapults the propaganda” better than the DemReps. They rule!

So we good loyal vendor-consumers should vote accordingly.

All hail Pangloss.

Praise be The Pangloss Score – as it was in the past, is now, and ever shall be, Panglossian world without end, Amen.

I believe, therefore I Pangloss.

Stan D. Garde here. Peace out.

(Down with Dimslow.)