Tropetopia 20 — Oila: the 51st State

With gas prices at record levels and oil costs on the verge of going even higher here in the US and with record-setting killing (1,000,000 – best estimates) in and refugee flight (about 2,000,000) from Iraq, there is only one solution that Stan D. Garde can see: make Iraq the 51st state.

Now I realize this may disappoint folks in Puerto Rico and the District of Columbia, and England, Australia, and Israel, etc., all of which at one time or another have seemed to vie to become the 51st state, but given the recent surge in gas and oil prices and the ever pressing need of the US to run the world, I think there is no time to waste in bringing Iraq formally into the Union.

Iraq has already had elections so there should be no problem making the change official, little more than a few minor bureaucratic details. Surely Uncle Sam is strong enough to twist the arms of elected rulers for their signing on as number 51.

Of course the name “Iraq” will have to go. It’s too — what shall we say — foreign, or, I don’t know, Native. Something like Oila would work, I think, since Oila is rather euphonious with, say, Ohio and Iowa, a couple of rock solid middle American names and states, with limited refugee flight.


Now, some may object that Iraq, aka Oila, has already become the 51st state for all practical intents and purposes since, thanks to the invasion and occupation, the oil is essentially under control of the United States, being under its guns, and since the U.S. is already pumping hundreds of billions of dollars into the land. So it may seem very little else is to be gained by Iraq’s formal incorporation into the Union as Oila. It’s true, Iraq and its oil are basically ours now (any impending legal formalization aside) — and not only on the noble you broke it, you bought it, so you might as well go ahead and keep breaking it principle — especially given the ongoing planning and construction of the fourteen permanent U.S. military bases in Iraq and the U.S. embassy the size of a town (heavily fortified) from which ultimate power can flow, along with other gated communities and neighborhood stockades. 


However, failure to formally incorporate Iraq into the States will mean we have learned nothing these many years from the wisdom of U.S. policy planner George F. Kennan who explained the reality of the world so well over half a century ago:

“We have about 50% of the world’s wealth, but only 6.3% of its population. … In this situation, we cannot fail to be the object of envy and resentment. Our real task in the coming period is to devise a pattern of relationships which will permit us to maintain this position of disparity…. To do so, we will have to dispense with all sentimentality and day-dreaming; and our attention will have to be concentrated everywhere on our immediate national objectives…. We should cease to talk about vague and…unreal objectives such as human rights, the raising of the living standards, and democratization. The day is not far off when we are going to have to deal in straight power concepts. The less we are then hampered by idealistic slogans, the better.”

Building on this theme of “straight power concepts,” it seems obvious to me that international sovereignty must be increasingly a relic of the past. There can be only one State, the American State. It will give that Patriotic phrase “Love it or leave it” a whole new meaning.

The Iraqis, I mean, Oilans, will just have to get used to saluting the stars and stripes and singing God Bless America and the Star Spangled Banner. Why should they mind? I don’t think they will mind really, once they learn to forget themselves for the greater glory of the State, just like everyone else.

Puerto Rico, we’ll get to you, especially if a diamond mine, or something, turns up that you might foolishly attempt to keep control of yourself. Of  course your little land and ungainly name will have to go the way of “Iraq” too. New Diamond as a new name might work. Or, say, Shinola.

In the meantime, Welcome, Oila! The 51st American state. An idea whose time has come.

The Bush Plan to Abolish America
The US Conquest of the Middle East
Warhawk Guns For Hire
Dimslow – ‘08
Wholesale Withdrawal
Dimslow Calls the Cops
Anti-War Novels Are Treason
Compassionate Cannibalism
The Up Side of Climate Change
The Tropetopian Age

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