Lesson sixteen: Profit U


From The Vassals Handbook – Lesson  sixteen – Profit U


So I wrote a speech to end all speeches for our beloved President of the Incorporated Estates of Earth, Al O’Toole. He delivered it to the rebels. It did not go over well. I am not surprised. The truly intransigent cannot be reached. We go through the motions, as required.

I must admit I was underwhelmed by my meeting with the President of the IEE. It made me think I am not the right man for the job of Official Sloganeer. I longed to return to my first true love: teaching. I recalled fondly my years of joy as Terminator of History at Rockview Terminal. Who knows what connections exist between our thoughts and the actions of the universe? About that time I was offered the Presidency of the newest university on earth: Profit U. Good ole PU.

PU is founded in this time of psycho-socio-economic crisis with the intent of restoring faith in the system of the IEE. I accepted the Presidency of PU, stipulating that I continue work on the epic in progress, the how-to book for good loyal consumers of the IEE, The Vassals Handbook. The Executors Board of PU readily agreed. IEE President Al O’Toole wished me well and said he would sign up for a distance learning course if I were to lead one. Of course I promised to come up with something. So here I am, newly installed as the first President of PU. The school cheers ring in my ears. Let’s go PU! Here we go PU! We Are PU! We’re Number One! PU! Number One!


The rosy-fingered dawn of the new day breaks at PU.

Profit U. We are tasked to challenge Harvard, Yale, Princeton, and the other greats for intellectual and moral supremacy in the IEE. We are charged by the leaders of the IEE to take on their traditional roles as the bastions of all that is wise and good. We are charged to lead the IEE through crisis high and low. What ambitious young man or woman would not want to attend PU? The question answers itself.


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