[“Lessons” are temporary posts. These early drafts may come down after a few days. Any surviving or revised remnants and expanded passages can be found at The Vassals Handbook page – also subject to revision.]
Lesson eleven – we mean well
The great thing about being a vassal is that you always know you mean well. We mean well, we do. Isn’t it obvious? We mean well, always. No matter what others might say about us. No matter what silly arguments they might raise.
Take for example universal health care. We don’t have it. And for that we are thankful. Lack of universal health care is a sign of our inherent fairness, generosity of spirit, economic thrift. We mean well because we are well.
Do not speak of the supposed virtues of equality of condition, wherein everyone has a right to health care. Preposterous. The United Nation’s Declaration of Human Rights is not worth the paper it is written on. Useful only for starting fires. Unlike the laws of the Incorporated Estates of Earth, the laws of the old United Nations do not mean well. The UDHR remains a document of illness, if not raving lunacy, signed long ago in some sick spasm of internationality.
What could be more generous than allowing everyone the equal opportunity to fend for themselves? Poor health and death take the hindmost. Time to face reality, vassals. Life is a race from the wolf at the door. If you mean well, if you really do, you will run for your life, like good vassals everywhere.
The same holds for international affairs. The Incorporated Estates of Earth owns the world, as it should, because it means well, always and everywhere.
Thus we intervene constantly against people of color the world over. We garrison the earth, and every year we spend over half our money on all matters militant.
It’s easy to find people of color to smash. There are so many of them, whether in Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Palestine, Grenada, Panama, Nicaragua, El Salvador, Africa, South America – even in the heart and soul of the IEE, the USA, where the prison population – chock full of people of color, not to mention people of no money – leads all Earth. More prisoners per capita, more prisoners period. Hey, we’re number one!
Those who we don’t smash, we threaten. Because we mean well. The order and security of the Incorporated Estates of Earth demands it. The IEE likes to, needs to, aims to extract oil like blood from these people. Just blow them up and the oil comes splurting out into our waiting pipes, tankers, pockets. So what if millions upon millions of innocents are slaughtered in the process of IEE invasions, occupations, sanctions? We mean well. The wars of the IEE grease the gears of the economy so we know we are doing well. Business is booming. We are far to the right in meaning well. We mean it. We mean well.
Examine your hearts, dear vassals. Do you mean well? Do you mean it?
Mean, mean, mean. We mean it like nobody’s business (but ours). Always have and always will, here in the IEE. A vassal can bank on it.