(The Powerdrunk Rulers)
“The debate over Iranian interference in Iraq proceeds without ridicule on the assumption that the United States owns the world…. In this case, however, even ridicule — notably absent — would not suffice, because the charges against Iran are part of a drumbeat of pronouncements meant to mobilize support for escalation in Iraq and for an attack on Iran, the ‘source of the problem.’ The world is aghast at the possibility.”
– Noam Chomsky, “What If Iran Had Invaded Mexico?“
Iran declares war on Mexico. Threatens to pray the United States back to the Stone Age, flint arrows and all, if it so much as meddles with the imminent invasion of its neighbor to the south. (Or if not back to the Stone Age, the Gossamer Age, at least.) Any Americans found sneaking across the Rio Grande will be detained indefinitely. Iran says its imminent invasion of Mexico has nothing to do with the famous Iranian yen for Mexico’s famed Tabasco Sauce (or oil). Iran would have invaded already but it had to pray first. Iran trusts that America will do the same before it considers any Mexican interference of its own.
The U. S. Quandary
Dick Powerdrunk, the (full of) Vice President, noted in his response to Iran, “We will rip out your eye teeth and crush and grind them into powder for use in our heart medications.”
What to say about this stellar official? He may be one gun-blasting, murderous bombing, corporate-money-raking gun-of-a-gun, but he’s our gun-of-a-gun? What blessed land deserves this full of vice president? What contest in whose hell did we win? The corporate coffers – though not their employees’ accounts – threaten to explode with the amount of government and oil money this vice leader is cashing through. Who cares that it is stained Iraqi (etc) blood red? O to be the vice leader, and company. Ain’t it rich?
Dick Powerdrunk – our stellar full of Vice Inc. President – he said, “Iran and Mexico, we own them both, but we can’t have them invading one another. My plan it simple yet effective, profound yet easily grasped by the common man – we will destroy them both first.”
Condi Powerdrunk, the Secretary of (the failed) State was more measured in her response. She said, “Tabasco Sauce is not worth it, really.” Wise heads on TV nod sagely.
Like so many of her fellow Patriots, Condi Powerdrunk never saw a bomb she didn’t like, never saw a land she wouldn’t reduce to bare sand. She never saw a human right she would let stand when fixed on the goal of getting oil (and blood) on her hands. I hear she likes a good book — well, let her recite the Book of Blood, the one she knows so well by heart. And so the old tales goes, the one that plays time and again, as she and her colleagues act out the pleasant symptoms of the neo-feudal system of our day, the one we let play and play, until when? Until the whole world is deCondistructed into nothing more than a pure chunk of clay?
Don Powerdrunk, the ex-cabinet Secretary of Glorious War could not be reached for comment at this time. Rumor has it he is hoarding Tabasco Sauce.
What more do we need to know? Don Powerdrunk helped lead the U.S. into a glorious war that the soldiers and people are so glad to have been invited along for. After all, you go with the powerdrunk Secretary of Glorious War you have, not the one you may wish for.
Oh, and of course the Iraqis couldn’t be happier. I guess it only goes to show that you can conquer some of the people gloriously some of the time, even if you can’t conquer all of the people gloriously all of the time. Hey, support the Generals. Tell them to “Stand Down.” Now. Might spare them a future appointment with a Crimes Against Humanity and War Crimes Tribunal. Nothing but raw power could spare Don Powerdrunk now. Such are the glories of war, after all.
And what of George Powerdrunk? – our great leader. He exercised profusely. He slaughtered the people who owned distant oil. Never would he invade for Tabasco Sauce. He did not say, “After us, the deluge” – he said, “I am the deluge.” He said, “The American People” — and not the corrupt electoral and judicial systems — “have poured my bowl full of liquor, and I intend to spill it all.”
He exercised profusely, and this made us all quite proud to have him as our model spokesman. He said, “I got mine. You got yours?” He said, “I will preserve a bubble or two of the world because us rich people need to have something to cherish while the entire rest of the world collapses.” He said, “Let it deluge.” He said, “Katrina is a nice name. We must not let the Hurricane besmirch it.” He never hardly went to church but he tried to make it look like he did. The better to slaughter the people who own distant oil. And he exercised profusely.
George Powerdrunk loved Tabasco Sauce, and so he vowed to see Iran’s imminent invasion of Mexico and further raise the stakes. Much further. When you own the world, after all, you can do what you want with it. George Powerdrunk, perhaps inspired by the famed Texas author Cormac McCarthy and Wisconsin Senator Joseph McCarthy both, has decided to fully commit himself to the apocalyptic path of turning the world into a McCarthy-ite Road, from which of course he will provide an exit for himself to live in a nice little bubble ranch for the rest of his powerdrunk life.
As for Iran, let them invade Mexico for all he cares. George Powerdrunk has been keen to launch World War III for a long time passing now. And why not? He answers to “a higher Father,” he says. He believes he has every right.
He doesn’t even have to pray about it. He has the direct line.
So we know what the Officials are doing.
And the people?
A Practical Policy 