This is a great war, this conquest of Iraq. From a military standpoint, what’s not to love? The Iraqis have no Air Force. If they did, we would be doomed, kicked out a long time ago, our supply lines toast. But they don’t, which is excellent, since we can fly and bomb at will. Oh sure the occasional US helicopter gets shot down but that’s to be expected in even the most congenial of conquests. So that’s the first reason the Iraq conquest is a great war.
The second reason the Iraq conquest is a great war is that it takes place over there and not over here. Can you imagine how we Americans would feel about this conquest if Iraq could do to even one US city what we did to Fallujah? Or Baghdad? Or Samarra, Najaf, Basra? Omigod, we would not think it was great no more. It was bad enough what them mad Saudi bombers did to us on 9-11. Good thing we haven’t gone to war with the Saudis! We know who not to mess with, I guess. Anyway, that’s the second reason the Iraq conquest is a great war because the smashed country, the millions of refugees, that’s all happening in Iraq while we get away totally clean here in the US, proud land of the free, home of the brave!
The third reason why the Iraq conquest is a great war is the oil. The oil companies are making out like bandits, which is just super. Oil prices, and now food prices, are through the roof, and everyone knows that what’s good for Big Oil is good for America. So I’m happy – especially with our thriving wartime economy. America in conquest of the world, what could be better?
There’s only one improvement I would like to see in this greatest of all conquests: Iraq war tourism. I think it’s long since time the US military arranged bus tours, helicopter tours, river boat tours, sand buggy tours, backpacking tours across all the great valleys, boulevards, rivers, cities, plains and deserts of Iraq just as corporate America provides for the average American tourist here in the good old USA. Iraq conquest tourism for the average American would make this great war against Iraq the most perfect conquest of all. Hope to see you soon sipping margaritas in Baghdad under the palms, toasting the rockets’ red glare and bombs bursting in air, or wherever they burst these days, at weddings, for small children…
Ever Yours from Corporatopia,
Stan D. Garde
