I know it may seem ironic, but I can assure you it is not, to have the Secretary of Consumption ascend to become President of the Holy Learned Corporate States of America – the former US of A.

Quite a coincidence that the first few fellers in line for the Presidency all died accidentally on the same day the president succumbed to food poisoning. And then the next few fellers in line declared they would resign rather than serve a minute as President, and so, quite unexpectedly, the Presidency fell to me, the Secretary of Consumption. Who would’ve thought? I of course accepted this most honorable position, with relish, and with a celebratory feast, in which I was roundly toasted: “A man of your time, Mr. President Consumption!”

For you see, at first I insisted upon being referred to by my favorite title, until I divined a popular name: “Connie,” seemed to work. “Please call me Connie. Or even, simply, Con.” And why not? – The Great Con! A splendid ring that, very rich. Conner the Great. Not a bad moniker for future history books. Now let us see if we can make this Holy Learned Corporate State even greater than it already is.

The Consumption Presidency - great sound that.

The HLCS of Consumption – already in my first week I thought about renaming the country, but better warm up to it instead, lay the groundwork, blast the propaganda, buy enough of the right people - the people of the better sort - before making it official. The Holy Learned Corporate States of Consumption.

Sounds perfect to an executive like me. As everyone knows – What is good for executives, is good enough for all. Or something like that – a slogan in need of work, I admit. Doesn’t quite sell itself the way it should.

How about – What is good for Executive America, is good to the last drop, of people! No, that won’t do exactly. The idea with propaganda is to hit and consume, hit and consume. The mind. The idea with propaganda is to blast a pretty picture. Just blast it out, blast it out there. Because a mind is a terrible thing left chaste. No money in it.

Oh, this private President’s Own Weblog (POW) is so much fun! You can write anything on it one day and it can become law the next! Don’t think there aren’t ways. Executive orders are not exactly the stuff of fancy. Let’s see: Deport all members of the opposing party. Along with all the imprisoned, and unemployed, and uninsured, and underinsured – unless their owners, I mean employers, petition to keep them for a time. Gotcha! Can’t go that far, of course. Not yet!

My God, thank you, it’s good to be President. Why, the country practically runs itself right along under its own power in whatever direction you fund it. Who would have thought? Well, that’s what the POW and I are all about. It’s like I am the POW. I write, am written. And all for the everlasting benefit of each future Consumer of History. The POW is me. I am the POW. One and the same. The rule of the POW is the realization of the great dream (is it not the American dream?) - Consume or be Consumed. I believe so. I believe the ultimate great age has arrived – The Age of Consumption.

Do not the greatest minds today say so? The greatest minds I know. 

So let’s see – what else should go into a POW?

A typical day? For me, a typical day as the President of Consumption begins in the Middle East, Iraq, you know, with a bit of Bombing for breakfast, an ounce of Oil for lunch, followed by some generous portions of Refuge Flight for supper. Bombing, Oil, Refugee Flight. BORF. Yes, that seems about Right. BORFing, at its best, is how one creates the New World Order. In all honesty it takes more than a POW to explain it, more than a mere President of Consumption - it takes a Master Leader. Sir Con, Mr. Con, President Con, Boss Con. Let’s be plain. We don’t Consume the World you might wish for. We Consume the World you have. Either way, Consume or be Consumed. That’s the only World I know, and so I gave up wishing a long time ago. Let the POW show.

So, Welcome, Future Consumers of History. Welcome to the Official Global Age of Consumption (OGAC). To you, robust consumptives, the warmest welcome from your new POW. To you the warmest welcome from the President of these Holy Learned Corporate States of the World, soon to be, the entire World, which we own. (More than less). Call me Connie or Con or Conner, call me Top Con, Big Con, Number One Con, Connie Con Con, call me King Con, the Con Master, Conner the Great, Conner-in-Chief … your Good Buddy … as you like and will. Now let us go forth and Consume.