Time for the Master Servant of Corporate America Beauty Pageant.
At its highest level, the MS of CABP is staged once every four years in that mighty land of the Incorporated and Off-Shored – The Corporate States of America (CSA), formerly known as the USA.
Get ready people. Time to dial a vote, donate a dollar. And look! Here comes our first lovely contestant now, John McPain! Of the McBleed dynasty. Step right up John McPain and tell us what you plan to do with your four years of Master Servitude.
John McPain: “Well, people, I plan to wage war. One hundred years of war, a thousand years, whatever it takes to destroy Godless Communism, I mean kill Indians, I mean smash the ungrateful citizens of this great land, I mean put Iraqis in their place. That’s what I really mean. And what are Iraqis, after all? Oil pumpers. That’s we what want them for, that’s what we want them to do. I mean, really, Shia? Sunni? Kurd? Muslim? Who knows? Who cares? Just pump the oil for us, Boys. Be good sports.”
Thank you! Thank you, John McPain. Now let’s go to our second contestant of this great American night, Barack O’Bomba!
Barack O’Bomba: Thank you. Thank you, Mr. Host. With my four years as Host of this great nation, excuse me, of course I mean, as Master Servant, I plan to, well first let me say, I should say that John McPain has it all wrong. Why do in a hundred years, a thousand, what we can do in two years, two short years. We can do it. Yes, we can! In two short years as Master Host, I mean, Servant, I will cut the number of US soldiers in Iraq in half! I will cut them in half. That’s what we call withdrawal, I mean, redeployment, I mean – I oppose the war! I oppose this war that I vote for every chance I get to fund it. Yes, I do. And I’ll tell you why. It’s because I oppose it! I think I should be the one to run the war. I mean end it. I will manage it. I will manage it one oil well at a time, oil terrorists be damned, whoever they are. Yes, we can!
Excellent words, Barack O’Bomba and John McPain, thank you, thank you both. And yes I believe either one of you would make an excellent Publicity Host, like me. Thank you both.
There you have it, America. It’s your choice now. You have to choose. Mr. McPain or Mr. O’Bomba – the next great Master Servant of the Corporate States of America.
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Featured in: Tropetopia
